Last night, I couldn't sleep. I didn't know why. So I sat up on my bed. Staring at open space. Thinking of what happens tomorrow and if soon I'll lose something precious. I'm not angry that I don't have friends at all. Cos' I never had one. And I didn't lose any friendship. I just play the DS or PSP. Don't think about it and it won't creep up and get me. If it doesn't get me I don't lose my confidence and hide in my bedroom and think that why don't I have friends. On the outside I try to be strong. I'd try to withstand what people say about me. But in the end, I'll break down and lose it all. Cos' they're so crude, they're words pierce through me. And that wound stays there. and just when I recover my confidence I'd get pierced again. And it goes on.

The world is unfair

Today is anything but a normal day. I'm throwing up by a slight stomach flu, everytime the vomit comes out, some stomach acid comes out with it. And it burns my tongue and skin in my mouth.
I miss going to school to learn. Mummy says that if I miss school then the third floor of my house is my school.But my other half does'nt want to go. It says that I don't have friends. Maybe thats true. They all have me as a secondary friend, when their buddy is gone they talk to me. When their buddy's back they leave me, shun me, and I'm left alone at my table. I busy myself by drawing or writing angry words on scrap paper. Then force a smile ask for permission to go to the toilet, and hurl the piece of paper into the rubbish bin and spit on it.
I'd then wish I could punch the walls till my knuckles bled. When I'm at home I'd ask myself over and over again, why was I treated like that. What had I done wrong that made them dislike me? Then my devil self would say"yea man,you don't deserve to be treated like this you know, you can show then that you don't need them! you can live in a world of your own you know!"but I'd of course shun him. I could'nt listen to anyone at all, let alone some side of me. Maybe the world was meant to be like this. Maybe, just maybe, everyone is as selfish as them.

sick

The day before yesterday: I felt something blocking my throat. I rushed through wearing my uniform and went to drink my water. It quickly cleared and I sighed. Yesterday: My nose is blocked from mucus. I'm going to see a doctor to check me. Doctor says I need to go to KKH on 12 November. Today: Sian, why must I go to school if I'm sick? Went to E!HUB @ Downtown East and ate Nasi Lemak for lunch. Thoroughly showered, cleaning off dirt from school playing soccer. Mummy says I have a cold and sore throat. Now blogging and gonna play Rewujie!

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!

YAHOO!!!!! I'm going crazy!!!!!!the exams are finally over and i can play till I drop!!!WOOHOO!
Yesterday, to celebrate, we went to Tampines Mall to eat lunch. As i was the only one who wanted to eat MOS burger, I had to be alone queuing up. When next line was ready for the next customer, the cashier asked 2 ladies to go there. A Malay man(actually he was quite tall so maybe he is an American)told the cashier off for asking the 2 ladies to go there instead of me. "He's been waiting so long, you should call him instead...."At first I thought the cashier ignored but after a few times she asked me to come. In case that man is reading my blog now, I would like to thank him for helping me.
Today was the last HAN language lesson. Lao Shi read a passage which was touching:
One father had came back from work. His son came to him and asked him how much he earned in an hour and if it was $20. As the father was angry with his boss, he asked angrily why he needed to ask and that it was $20. The son calmly replied that he needed $10. The father said that he worked very hard and that he knew that the son wanted to buy some more toys to play with. The son was sad and went to his room.(maybe I'm being a bit wordy)The father later thought that he was being too fierce with his son, so he went to his son's room and gave him the $10 dollars. The son, from under his pillow, took out another $10. The father got angry again and asked why he needed the money when he already had it.(And.......the touching part!!!)the son said that he now had $20 dollars and he wanted to buy one hour of his father's work time so that they could eat dinner together. The father stood there, dumbfounded.

good bye Theodore

He was well and running around in the morning. Then when the sun came out, his life faded into total darkness in his sleep. When I was feeding the group, and when I saw him, I started shouting his name. I did not believe he was dead. Fighting the truth, I broke down in tears. I finally decided to face the truth, he was dead.We placed him in a box carved in a (sort of) coffin shape and I cut some flowers for him to smell better in heaven. Tonight mummy will bury him near sungei api api.Daddy also will be flying off to Barcelano, Spain.

Ghost or technical problem

Today was a normal day. We went to school and did work which was handed out. At recess I rushed to eat my food and then went to go and play.Then after that we went back to class and did corrections for mock papers. Then I went to the toilet and the tap was running on its own.I usually saw it often but it kept running and running and running on and on.I was spooked out of my wits.But when I entered,the sensor detected me and the lights went on.As soon as the lights went on, the tap switched off.Maybe it was just my imagination.

Infection

Yesterday, when I was back from school, mummy said:"I think we should bring Theodore to the vet, his back is always wet when we play with him""OK"I replied(remember Theodore?). When we went to fetch gege, we put him in Snowy's cage and went of. After that, we went to Pet Safari of East Point(somewhere near Hui Qing Ge Ge's school). There,the Doctor inspected him for awhile and told us he could have infection and something was taking away the nutrients in the food he ate, causing him to stop gaining weight and lose it. Doc gave him and injection(with a seriously sharp end). Now we have to inject Theodore ourselves every 4 something.

Then when we went down to the carpark, we saw a Lotus Upgraded(ps. I used Ge Ge's modified picture cos' I'm too lazy to modify mine heehee......).

on 403 bus going home.

When i was going home yesterday, I took bus 403 as usual. When I queued up and behind me was a little girl. With bronze hair and blue eyes, she looked and smiled at me. I guess she was about nic nics age. So being kind, I smiled back. When we got into the bus, I sat behind them then i heard the maid say" oh no, we forgot the bag". And she said "oh no. But if we tell the truth mummy is not going to scold us". The maid said "mummy is going to scold us""oh no,what am i going to tell my mamma mia??"(LOL!!!!). When we were getting nearer to riverina, she turned around and asked"whats your name?"I replied"Matthew""my name's Alice"she said. When I got of, I said "bye alice"and her reply was simply"bye!!".

Are you gay??

Today, I saw Ernest and Harsh holding hands and skipping around happily as if they were married. Then later, Haikal joined in too. I asked Harsh whether he was a boy or a girl, he didn't reply.
At floor ball, the first half of the lesson was without coach, then when he came, we showed him what we did before. When I did what I was supposed to do, he commented I did it quite well.
Tommorow I'm gonna make a "Roti-pizza". We don't have the base so we used the roti prata in the freezer as it. And to Ethan and Kyle, I wish them healthy growing up! :)

SO CUTE!!!!

This is brownie's baby and it is just 3 days old! Mummy found a small 'thing' near the food bowl. We hurriedly got the others out into the old cage. Brownie has been a good mum and had even bitten a small part of the old towel for privacy for making a nest/bed for the baby. I hope the baby will grow and become as healthy as it's mum. :)

YAHOO!!!!!!!!!! We are gonna watch Kung Fu Panda!!!

Yay!!! Today Pa Pa NG is gonna bring us to watch Kung Fu Panda!!!!YAY!!!!!!! But nic nic isn't coming along cos' he needs to go to school. Ge ge is coming as his school ends before we go to the cinema. I've always thought we'd go to watch a movie only once in a blue moon as prices for tickets are very expensive. $10+ per person!!!!!

1 night awake

On Saturday, me and my cousins celebrated an early father's day. I drank 1 and a half can of coke. When it was time for bed, I tried sleeping but couldn't so that whole night I stayed awake. I waited till 5 am in the morning and nic nic woke up. I told him that we would go down and stay there. When we were downstairs, we played with the hamsters and then went to play. I decided to wake auntie up because she usually woke up at 5. Wrong!!! She asked us to go back to sleep and we did. There I dozed off.

rib eye steak for 2 nights.

Yesterday we had home-made steak. It was Delicious and taste good. We had it the day before yesterday for nic nic's bonding. Daddy sugested having it again as my uncles and aunties were coming over.
I got to try carrying my cousin, Ethan, for a second try. He sat still and not like when we went to the church to praise him. His cheeks are chubby and his head is round with a little hair. Abby also wanted to play Spongebob Monopoly. After setting everything up, she said she did'nt want to play anymore. I told her if she did'nt want to play then she should keep up.

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I'm so depressed. grandpa coughs so badly and I have to resist. Mummy is starting to give him information and I just act normal. Sad thing is yesterday night we forgot to off the tv and got banned from playing ps2 for 1 week. My dumb brothers quarelled and said it was one anothers fault. I'm typing now at 6:19pm and nic nic and ge ge just wasted my mp4s battery when I waited one WHOLE day for it to charge!!!!!!!!!!!

I also played with my hamsters just now. Theodore tried to bite but I pulled my hand away just in time.

grandfather.......2

Before I was on the computer, I notice grandfather's feet had one side perfectly normal and the other had skin peeling off. a few days ago, mummy went to see a medical social worker. He said that we should slowly feed grandfather with information and then let him find out what he has. My cousin, Seth, is trying to help by selling his scooter and it's even published in The New Paper. I feel useless not able to help but I'm one of his grandchildren and not his child. I hope when he finds out and takes medication, he'll be able to do things normally. His coughing also makes us hurt deep down inside.

grandfather.......

One night when we were playing with our toys,mummy told us not to tell nic nic about this: our granfather had cancerous cells in him. He was the only grandfather I ever saw and I was losing him already. I cried apon hearing that. Daddy's father had gone when he was only 10 years old. Even if I beg god to let him live longer, he would'nt. Nature has it's ways of living. Now I regret treating him like a stranger when I was younger. We all try not to cry in front of him as we try not to break the news to him now. Then a few days later, ge ge told me that grandfather terminal cancer. I cried. Will we all see him happy after telling him and getting him through the treatment? Or will we all miss him? If I don't have enough time to say this I'll say it now.....

I LOVE YOU GRANDFATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GET WELL SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodbye,forever,my dear friend.....

I woke up today lazing in bed, I changed up into my usual clothes and went down. After ge ge went of to his tuition, I went to play with my hamsters. First, to check if they were healthy, I blew at them. Theodore instantly got up and went to dig at the wood shavings. Simon was a different story, he lay on the ground of their toilet, stiff and not moving. I picked him up, then the thought of death went to my head. Nic Nic cried and I responded too. "Don't leave me Simon!!!!!!! If you want to go, go after my exams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!" after sobbing and snapping to ourselves. we placed him in a shoebox. After my tuition, I came back and composed a song for him:

Wherever you go, I will follow,

wherever you are, I will remember.

Whatever you say, I will listen,

till nightfall you depart and leave forever.

When sun comes out,

and announces a new day.

you leave us to the netherworld,

and leaving us in dismay.

Now when I remember,

tears trickle down my face.

making me a fool,

a fool of disgrace.

May you leave with peace

my friend,I will be fine without you.

Now that you are gone,

our friendship line is torn.

May you find my grandparents,

and leave with a happy life.

In the netherworld you will

find them,along with your dear brother.

Now that this is ending,

all I want to hear from you

the last thing I want to hear from you

is your beautiful squeak

The last thing I want to say to him is the simple word goodbye.

stress!!!!My little BAD brother

Today, when I returned home, I did my usual routine of showering and went up stairs to revise my work as tomorrow is my zuo wen. I then did what mummy wanted until she went to daddy's study room to talk to gege about.............Then, nic nic did the thing Nobody in the family would EVER EVER do. He typed F*** (uncensored)on mummy's MSN chat with one of her friends. Mummy scolded him and made him write the sentence 'I will never use vulgarity again' for fifty times. However, he only wrote six times of it in the book and he also drew a smiley face on the front cover at the 'Name' place. Hope he will learn his lesson not to use vulgarities again.

CATERPILLAR 2

Today,Axel and I caught 2 caterpillars in a container Axel brought from home.we fed it lots and lots of leaves before storing them in my pitch black(when door is closed)locker with rock hunting and insect hunting equipment.Then Ms Tan brought us to the computer lab cos the other class' have oral.I played restauraunt empire for the first half an hour,and zoo empire for the other.Monday is gonna be great!!!!!!!!!!!!

CATERPILLAR

Axel and I now catch bugs on days that rained before recess and get our shoes all muddy and filthy.Anyway,Axel caught a caterpillar and we gave it lots of leaves before the weekend last week.Instead of getting a half decomposed caterpillar,it got bigger!But the sad part is that we left it at the pond in school and it got fried.And when I mean fried,I mean fried.Well,I won't be so mean,ok?Lets just say it turned black colour.Up till now,we hav'nt found a replacement

I am stressed out!!!!!!!!!!

The exam s for SA1 are coming and I still am not so good at my chinese. so mummy said we had to do a comprehension every day till exams are over. I am nervous because my oral and chinese oral is this very week!!!!!! arrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!I just read chinese books out loud to mummy just now before I wrote this.And next week(i think)will be my exams already!!!!!!!.

I hate axel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today,after music lessen,Xavier,my classmate,while picking his bag up,he saw a small cute baby lizard.Then that idiot Zacheryused his young scientist book and attempted to smack it.I stopped him by punching him in the stomach lightly.He shouted at me and ran away because it was the end of school.Coward,Hahahahahhahahahahaha.But then that axel walked over and stomped on it.Then stomped on his foot.Served him right.Then i looked closer at the poor reptile.It had a scratch on itss forehead and its hand.It was twitching a little and then.It left to the netherworld.Me being an emotional baby(as what my mum wrote in "RIP")wept a little and then bit my lip to prevent crying out loud.I'll never give him another gift again(until i forgive him of course).

Axel had an operation.I found a crystal and i did'nt get into junior school team!

Axel had a hole in his stomach tissue and had gone for an operation.He'll be coming back tomorrow.Mrs Cheong assigned Clarence and me to help him up the stairs and carry his bag.
And the best thing about it is that we don't need to sing the national anthem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(not that I hate singapore)
But we had to keep very quiet and not jump around the classroom.I'm happy that Axel's back so we can go rock hunting again.
And i forgot to mention,today while practising floor ball at the hall,I found a crystal on the floor.I showed Josh(my other friend)and he said"wow cool,invisible man!"and i said"of course la!Its a crystal,what do you expect?green colour?blue colour?red colour????"when Axel is back I'm gonna give it to him as a welcome back surprise.
Talking about floor ball,I didn't get into school team.AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I HATE IT!HATE IT!!Maybe Ill get in next year.when i'm P5.

CA1 IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!rock hunting with my best pal

YAHOO!!!!!CA1 is over!!!!!yippee I'm happy!(and if you don't know whats CA its continual assessment, a ten percent exam)and i can listen to my MP3!After studying English,then Maths then Mother Tongue and last Science.Me and my friend Axel,were jumping for joy at recess time we bought our food and gobbled them up.As usual we went rock hunting.When i found a n interesting rock i took it,placed them in water in my empty green tea bottle and kept looking.When recess was over,we compared them with our rival team.We often stole rocks from each other and lied that we were in a different place at that time.The rivals expert was named Clarence.We have our own "territory" which we only find rocks in our own territory.Their area is quite boring cos' they can only find chalk there,or maybe white rocks?????I wish they would stay at their own area and not keep stealing our rocks............................

3 drawf hamsters on the internet for free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today,mummy was logged on on M4M as ussual and suddenly she saw a topic on 3 baby drawf hamsters for free.Then,we SMS daddy whether we could have them and he said yes!gege and I jumped up and down shouting YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Then we drew a chart on who is responsible for bathing and feeding them for each meal time.I also went to dig out the hamster book mummy bought a long time ago when I liked animals.I can't wait for them to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my terrapin

On tuesday,at midnight,my terrapin,shadow,left me and my family.He was not afraid to see us humans unlike other terrapins.when i was bored, i usually played with him in the pond.Until he fell ill.......His shell had softened and he couldent swin well,when mummy was feeding him with my family's other two terrapins,Griffindor and Sonic,she said shadow could'nt swim very well.Mummy bought a piece of calcium in the shape of a terrapin and placed it in the water.The night before his death,mummy told me that Griffindor and Sonic had swam to him and placed their front legs on his shell,as if giving him courage and saying"come on Shadow you can fight the desease".While I was in our car,my mummy said"I think Shadows gone".When we arived at our house,I ran to the pond,and there he was,motionless.I took out one of my boxes and placed him in the box.Gege(elder brother)went to pick flowers for him.I wrote on the cover,"RIP SHADOW"
and mummy took two pictures of him.Then when nic nic(nicholas,my little brother)came home,
we walked out to sungai api api(may be wrong spelling)and buried him.Then we said some prayers and went back home.Gege did'nt even care about him.But i dont care for gege.Hes like so nerdy and only cares about our LCD T.V.,Computer, PS2 and GameBoy.A few days later,I told him he did'nt care for him.Then we arguid,"you know why i laugh at you?because you cry so funny!HAHAHA!"Then i could'nt control myself,"SHUT UP nerd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"He fell silent,pulled his blanket over him and then slept.Uptil now i still cry about Shadow...

School life

Hi!
I just had my password changed(again for the fourth time.I had forgotten to bring my
teachers production work and had a lecture from my teacher.She made me stand infront of class
until we had to go for assembly.That was 30 minutes!Without water too!Sigh.......
School life is tough but everyone goes trough it when they are 7-12 years old,then another
4 years in secondery school.aww man.anyway i need to go to eat my dinner now so BYE!!!!

hello!
todays saturday and im happy that its the weekends.Tomorrow im going to have my
taekwondo gradings for my blue belt and my younger brother is having it for his
yellow belt.my terapins getting quite fat.its so picky it only takes the green coloured
pet food.Why does it like it's greens???